Why It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable

by Gelaine Santiago June 21, 2016 3 Comments

Why It’s Okay To Be Vulnerable

I attended a Women’s Entrepreneurship Café organized by Startup Toronto and Shecosystem, a new coworking and wellness community for women. The event was months ago, but that night and the conversations still linger in my mind. It was definitely not your normal networking event.

For one thing, we started the night with guided meditation. I could feel the tension in my shoulders ease and melt away as I listened to our guide talk about breath and mindfulness. Then we were introduced to our “table leaders” – one person at each table was designated as the coach or facilitator to guide our roundtable discussions. We rotated tables after every topic and discussed things like “how to create a thriving ecosystem for women”, challenges and barriers for female entrepreneurs, and holistic wellness.

Underlying every discussion was one pervasive theme: vulnerability. At one of my tables was a woman named Susan. She shared a story about a man she met at a conference. He was a serial entrepreneur who launched several businesses and was the keynote speaker for the event. She went to speak with him afterward half expecting him to be a Startup God, but realized he was anything but. He openly admitted that he didn’t know what he was doing. He launched several businesses in the past that failed and shut down, he almost went bankrupt, and he struggled for several years before reaching success. Even now, he said, he’s not any smarter – just more experienced.

Women Entrepreneurship Cafe 2016

“That interaction made me realize the only difference between them and me is that they’re willing to put themselves out there,” Susan said. “So here I am, putting myself out there.” Several women at my table nodded in agreement. Then the stories came flooding in – how one day you’re on a high, then the next you’re on a low, then the day after you’re very low...

For me, hearing other women open up about their difficulties made me feel immensely lighter, like a part of me that was hiding could finally be free. Comparing yourself to others always leads to disaster, and yet we’re all compelled to do it even when we try not to. The problem is magnified because we often end up comparing ourselves to idealized, inflated versions of the people around us. No one’s life is ever as perfect as it looks on Facebook or as fun as it seems on Snapchat. None of us ever know what really happens between status updates.

Don’t get me wrong – sharing success is hugely important. You deserve to celebrate, and you should be part of an ecosystem that challenges you. But success isn’t the whole story. Talking about success without failure or achievement without sacrifice creates false expectations – it’s basically a lie.

When I catch up with friends or talk to acquaintances in passing, they tell me how they love what Jerome and I are doing. “It looks like things are going so well! You must be making so many sales!” When I tell them honestly that I don’t know what I’m doing and I feel lost, they’re perplexed. Then they try to say something reassuring like, “Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out.” I know the intentions behind those words are always good, but they never ever make anyone feel better. Instead, it feels like a dismissal as though your insecurities are unwarranted. I don’t think people react this way because they’re unfeeling. It’s the exact opposite. Vulnerability makes people uncomfortable. They feel the need to brush it under the rug because it’s too painful to see.

But why should it be hidden in secrecy if it’s a normal part of life? I think it’s okay to be vulnerable and to share vulnerability. In fact, after attending this Women’s Entrepreneurship Café, I believe it’s healthy.  

So, with that said, here’s a little raw honesty for you.

I love Cambio Market. I love the business and lifestyle that Jérôme and I are building. I love working with our partners, sourcing our products, talking to our customers and delivering a meaningful experience. But I don’t know what I’m doing. I second guess myself at every step. I don’t feel knowledgeable enough about sustainability or business or ethical fashion compared to others in the industry. I constantly wish I had more experience, a bigger network, a better taste for fashion or photography. There are some days I’m so exhausted and overwhelmed and down on myself that I cry for the stupidest reasons. I feel like I’m on the constant brink of failure. I wonder if Jérôme and I have what it takes, or if this was all one big mistake. I wonder what I’ll do if our business fails, if I have other career prospects. Where will we be in five years? I don’t know.

Maybe you feel like I do, maybe you don’t. Either way, what I’ve learned is that everybody has their own insecurities and fears, just in different shapes and sizes. Only in being open and vulnerable do we tell others, “you know what, it’s okay to be down in the dumps. It’s okay to have off days and to feel bad about yourself once in a while. You’re not a screw up. You’re not a failure. You’re just human.”

Sometimes, the grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake. Imagine how different things could be if we were more okay with the real stuff.





Gelaine Santiago
Gelaine Santiago

Author

Gelaine is co-founder of Cambio Market – an online shop for handcrafted, ethical products that give back. She's also co-founder of ChooseSocial.PH – the go-to resource to learn about the social enterprise scene in the Philippines. She's pretty nerdy and loves to talk about all things social enterprises, careers, entrepreneurship, travel, start-ups, and (of course) food.


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3 Responses

Kellie
Kellie

August 14, 2016

Thanks for sharing your story, Gelaine. Being an entrepreneur is definitely a challenge. Keep at it everyday and don’t forget there is support all around you. Networking groups, meetups, friends and books, too!. I’m currently reading “All In” by Arlene Dickenson from the Dragon’s Den. You can download and e-book from the Toronto Public Library. Even she is still learning….

Until we connect again!

Cheers,

Kellie

Laura Shook Guzman
Laura Shook Guzman

June 25, 2016

Beautifully written, raw and transparent. Thank you! After eight years of being an entrepreneur, I have learned that every day is a lesson in self-compassion and trust. As a psychotherapist who went into private practice and launched a coworking space for other welllprenerus like myself, I have found this experience to be one of the most soul opening, personal deep dives that I could ever make. It is always inviting me to be more curious, more self-loving and more open to who I am and how I express my gifts in the world. It is very messy and I still drop to my knees in doubt at times, but when I stand back up, I am more clear, more committed and more trusting in what I came here to do. Much gratitude and appreciation for you and your work in the world. www.somavida.net

Shin Li
Shin Li

June 21, 2016

keep up the good work guys. your voices, the vision and the extension of goodwill which cambio.market provides to the communities will grow overtime.

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